I sat inside a room and promised myself I wouldn’t come out until I was “better.”
You see, no one taught me that better is not a chalked line in the dirt, that there is no bronzed medal with gilded rim reading: Better. Fit for consumption.
I stared down a mirror so long that my lips became my eyes and my eyes become huge craters I couldn’t climb out of. But I didn’t care for climbing anyhow.
Instead, I became a master excavator.
Proud, albeit lonely.
Tools in hand, refusing hands of rescue reaching out from the rim.
“I’m fine. Really, I’m fine.”
“She was, in fact, not fine,” reads the narrator.
These days I’ve learned that dogs see in black and white, but I am not a dog. I am human.
I am human, so I err. I am human, so I am flawed.
I am human, so no amount of excavation, recreation, reflection or divine inspiration will deem me “better.”
But I am human, so I am enough.
Sugar-Substitute
People keep telling me I look amazing. They beg: tell us your secret. what have you been doing?
I tell them: I’ve made some changes to my diet.
I’ve stopped putting external validation in my morning coffee.
(sugar-substitute, highly processed packaged sweetener made of artificial Instagram likes and bending over backwards like acrobatics for attention; blending myself into you for approval like stirring in your favorite brand of soy milk even though soy makes me sick.)
I tell them I opt for the real thing these days. Organic connection and act natural, which is to say: Don’t act. Be.
And, sure, it’s hard to kick the habit and I’m not perfect at it, but – I tell them – Life is much sweeter this way.
My name is Melissa and I’m a special education teacher from Long Island, New York. I have been an avid reader and writer my entire life.
My other hobbies including playing guitar and piano, singing, working out, spending time with family and friends, and spending time in nature. I am a huge lover of coffee, of kids, of food and of meditation and personal growth.
I aim to write poetry that moves people and deepens their own understanding of themselves, their emotions and their beliefs about the world around them. I believe that words can transcend the social and emotional barriers between people.
This year, I decided to begin sharing my writing publicly on social media and at open mic nights in my area. If you enjoy my work, you can read more on Instagram at @intotheminefields.
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