How Many Times by Kobe Gerousse

Hey
Why does it seem like you don’t have a mind of your own?

Hey
Why do you answer the phone within the same minute I text you?

Hey
Why do you put others before yourself?
Why don’t you do what’s best for you?
Why are you always scared?
Why don’t you sleep well?
Why don’t you eat much?
Why do you prefer taking a punch over a tough conversation?

Because you don’t get it

How many times I’ve acted like a dog
Just so you wouldn’t leave me on the side of a highway
Wondering what I did wrong?

How many times I’ve acted like I didn’t care
Just so I wouldn’t hurt your feelings?

How many times I’ve cheered you up
But still I’m the one sitting at home all alone while you’re having fun?

How many times I’ve acted as a bulletproof shield
Just so you don’t have to?

How many times I’ve died
But came back just because you missed me?

How many times I whispered my secrets to the sea but still the wind spreads them without telling me why?

How many times I’ve tried to stop you from bleeding
While I’m getting blamed for the bloodstains on the carpet

How many times I check my phone even though I know there won’t be any messages

How many times you’ve made my day just ‘cus you took the effort to call me?

You wanna know why I prefer taking a punch over a tough conversation?
Because seeing you cry feels like a blow I can’t prepare for
Even if I want to?!

No, I don’t think you do
But that’s okay
I have a birthmark on my chest
That glows
With every thought it counts
I hope it counts for something

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